Brackin Kirkland and his wife, Lindsey, create family-friendly inspiring weekly vlogs and music videos on their successful and growing YouTube channel “Tiny Notes from Home.” You can also enjoy hearing their music at www.soundslikereign.com. Brackin previously wrote “A Father’s Guide to the Birds and the Bees” for Manabouts.
Ok guys. Let’s get real for a moment.
As you look around at your friends marriages, you’re secretly jealous.
Their lives just look so “right”. They never fight. They’re super affectionate. And you want that too.
If that’s you, then I have a simple solution.
And you don’t need to look any further than your own wife.
The Grass IS NOT Greener
First, let’s get something straight.
Every man and every woman are very different. And each of our marriages will have challenges that are unique to our own personalities and circumstances.
You might be tempted to think – as you compare your marriage to others – that the grass would be “greener” on the other side. But rest assured: Regardless of the man or the woman involved, ALL marriages will fall on hard times.
You don’t need to look “elsewhere” to solve your problems, because the same problems would await you on the other side.
Stay on your side of the fence – trust me on this one.
Here’s why: True biblical marriage is about BOTH the person to whom you’re married AND the commitment you’ve made to that person.
We must remember that marriage is both a lifelong commitment and a daily decision.
Although you’ll face unique challenges along the way, there are a few common biblical principles that apply to ALL marriages.
Implement these 3 simple steps and your marriage will improve … overnight!
Your wife wants to know that she is loved and appreciated. She works hard around the house, or in her job, or with the kids, or just struggling to find her identity – and she doesn’t need you to point out her flaws.
I guarantee that if you build up your wife with words of encouragement, that her heart will melt in your hands, and she will become the wife of your dreams.
On the flip side: If you pour words of discouragement and defeat into her heart, she will harden faster than you can blink. Just a few harsh words can cause damage that will take weeks (or longer) to restore.
Use gentle words to tell her just how wonderful and pleasing she is to you. Even if you’ve become cold and bitter toward one another, find something – ANYTHING – that you can love and appreciate about her and start there.
As you speak words of life, you will witness her heart soften and become fertile soil, which will eventually bring forth precious fruit.
Your wife wants to be touched in a special way. Let me explain.
Some couples are naturally more affectionate than others. But ALL couples need to have some form of personal affection that can be expressed comfortably in our daily lives.
In the busyness of life, it’s easy to brush by each other without stopping to smell the roses.
Try this: Pull her aside and give her a gentle hug 5 times a day. Set a dang alarm clock if you have to!
I know … it sounds too easy. But a warm and gentle touch can melt even the coldest heart.
In doing so, you’re showing her that you are sensitive and that you will handle her with care.
And there’s the added benefit that your children will witness FIRST HAND how a gentle loving husband handles his wife. This type of healthy affection will work miracles – I promise!
You wife wants to know that you are strong, and that you have a clear sense of direction.
Let’s break this down into two parts:
First: You need to have DIRECTION. Period. As a husband, father and leader of your home, you need to have a clear mission and vision for your family.
Surround yourself with Godly men who can help you create a specific and attainable goal for your family. This goal should go beyond just “surviving in daily life” (putting food on the table, getting to school on time, etc).
Your family goal should have an outward “missional” focus, and it should build on the strengths of your family members. A family that has a clear purpose and direction is more likely to weather the storms of life.
Second: Once you have charted a “course” for your family, involve your wife in some of the planning. Don’t overwhelm her with all the details, but do keep in mind that she is part of the team – not just extra baggage.
Ask for her input and opinions and make accommodations based on her needs.
This can be a balancing act, because women tend to be more emotional in their decision making.
You’ll need to firmly steer the ship and stay the course, without driving out of control and making everyone seasick. When you hit rough seas (due to life’s circumstances), slow down and make sure everyone’s needs are being met before moving forward again.
Lead with a clear focus and a gentle hand, and let your wife know that her needs are important along the way.
The Keys to Her Heart
In closing, remember this:
- Encouragement shows her CARE
- Touch shows her SENSITIVITY
- Leadership shows her STRENGTH
All successful marriages are built on these three principals, and we must keep these things in balance in our marriage on a DAILY basis.
If you’re anything like me, you are probably lacking in one of these areas (my weakness is “sensitivity”).
So my challenge is this: Admit the areas where you are weak, take proactive steps to improve, and get to work on making “Your Best Wife Now!”