“Help! Godly men are fast disappearing. Where in all the world can dependable men be found?” (Living Bible) Psalm 12:1
by Stephen L. Meeks
I tried, patiently, courteously, plainly, and finally almost rudely, but the guy never got what I was saying. My counselee’s tone with his wife remained defensive despite prodding him to show tenderness and understanding. Yet, he persisted in taking her every word as a personal assault. He just could not seem to think of her. Finally, I gave up and ended the session as positively as I could, knowing that they were leaving as they’d come—a wounded woman and a self-centered man….and this was a Christian couple!
I had encountered three similar situations the same week in which a good woman was married to a selfish, out-of-control, mean, critical or immature man who appeared incapable of seeing his own faults, and blamed their wives as the cause of their unhappiness. Ironically, every one of these men attends church regularly — some are church leaders! As the Psalmist lamented, “Where in all the world can dependable men be found?”
It’s a good question. If you’ve been paying attention, there aren’t even any good men left in our imaginatons. Watch the sitcoms, the major motion pictures, and almost any Netflix series and you’ll find the great men have disappeared. God men, godly men, chivalrous men have been replaced by hulks, perverts, idiots, 30 and 60 years olds stuck in adolescence, emotionally thin weaklings, sex-a-holics, males in need of their woman’s rescue. Women are stepping, running, flying, and boldly risking their lives to come to their aid. The roles have reversed; men are the new ‘blondes’. Real men–not fictitious heroic males like Batman or Superman, but flesh and blood men — are abdicating their posts; willingly withdrawing to the game room, the stadium, the bar, or the couch instead of investing in the welfare and leadership of their wives and families.
It’s been subtle, but the evolution of the self-centered/extended adolescence/take-care-of-me male is evidenced in so many small, but significant ways. Because they’ve been intimidated by the girls, guys hesitate to pull a chair for a lady. (Weaklings! Do the right thing, whether or not she understands you are expressing value to her.) Training in gentlemanly courtesies such as opening doors, walking on the curbside of the road, opening her car door (Instead of honking the horn and waiting in the car…IF the guy is even the one doing the picking up!), honoring her by restraining oneself from touching her are not only practically non-existent, they are looked down on! Ironically, this is all in the name of elevating women to the level of equality with men, when in fact, it’s a huge demotion.
The role of bread-winner has resulted in an abdication of responsibility to win or invest any effort when it comes to a woman, her needs, or her care. Guys are increasingly content (even expectant…an interesting thought considering women use to be the ones who were ‘expectant’) to allow the girls to work all day, deal with the kids, be in charge of “church-stuff”, keep up the house, arrange the holiday schedules, call the plumber, look like a model, and perform like some porn-star fantasy he has! (Hey, don’t roll your eyes if you think this is too extreme…I know guys exactly like this.) Meanwhile, men are falling deeper into the arms of their porn-mistresses, battling with video-games, and spending more time on the couch or with their buddies than with their wives, their kids, or their LORD.
Where are those fairy-tale knights ready to drop to a knee in the presence of a lady, cast their cloaks or their own bodies to the ground for the sake of a woman’s protection? Is chivalry completely dead? What happened to stable, sensible, wise, controlled, kind men who knew God, understood life, and devoted themselves to the consideration and safe-keeping of their wives?
This is a sobering moment in our history. “Where are the godly men?” is a question we ignore at our peril, and do well to answer before there are none. Society, freedom, our children’s futures depend on our responses.
I have painted a dark picture and presented a bleak situation. I don’t believe it is exaggerated—hardly. However, it is not the total picture and thankfully it is not beyond remedy, though a better outcome will come at a price to every man who dares fight against the current to reach the headwaters again.
To restore the healthy dignity of women, men must restore themselves to their God-created nature. This means a return to what God intended us to be in Adam, but what we actually find in Jesus. Now, that’s not as simple or straightforward as it may appear. There are battles, internal, ego-related battles that must be fought by each male. And, to be honest, the larger fight for the return of Godly-men will be fought hand-to-hand. There will be no ‘movement’, no ‘large-scale assault’, because this is not a revolution, it is a renewal—a return to our places. Neither will it happen in the public arena or political battlefield, rather, it will happen one man at a time, in the private closet of his own heart and will.
As men return to the pursuit of their ‘first-love’, the God of Heaven, they will be transformed. He, God, will change their hearts, and from within they will rise to their places and return to their duties. There will be no fanfare, no rallies, no pomp. Godly men don’t require such, and the sure sign that such men are again in the land will be the rising up of women who call themselves, “Blessed!”